Are you reeling from the unexpected death of your beloved mother? Is your heart aching because your mom lost a valiantly fought battle against a horrific and devastating disease or did the woman who gave you life, raised you to adulthood, and remained your most trusted friend, treasured confidant and understanding counselor throughout your entire life, finally pass away peacefully? If any of these questions describe your feelings or experiences, then the thought of the upcoming Mother's Day festivities may be intensifying the sadness and grief you are already experiencing.
Regardless of the circumstances surrounding the death of your mother, there are a few things you can do to make Mother's Day a day of celebration, even when your mother is no longer alive.
Mother’s Day and the Mourning Process
Whether you have recently lost your mother, or have several years worth of grief filled Mother’s Days under your belt, it is perfectly normal to feel sad, depressed, angry and even irritable as Mother’s Day approaches.
There is no set timetable for how long a person should or will grieve over the loss of a mother or other loved ones. Everyone grieves differently and in his or her own timeframe. For some people, grief over the loss of their mother may last for years, while others grieve for only a few weeks or months. Be patient with yourself, healing from loss is a gradual process.
Buy a Mother’s Day Gift
Have you ever spied something in a store and thought, my mom would love that, only to remember seconds later that your mom is deceased and you can’t buy or show it to her? If this has ever happened to you, then you know how emotionally overwhelming this can be. But, just because you can’t give your mom a gift and watch her face as it lights up with surprise doesn’t mean you shouldn’t still buy her a gift on Mother’s Day.
On the first Mother’s Day without my mom, I bought her a beautiful porcelain doll. I knew she would never physically see it, but since my Mom had a soft spot for dolls when she was alive, I found immense peace in buying her something I knew she would have loved. I bought the doll, and I have it lovingly displayed in my home near where my mom’s bronze urn sits. Whenever I walk by and see the doll on the shelf, I think of how my mom enjoyed her doll collection, and how she always found beauty, happiness and joy in her life.
Flowers for Mother’s Day
If you always sent flowers to your mom on Mother’s Day, there is no reason not to continue the tradition, even after she has passed away. My mom loved flowers, and while I do not actually send her flowers now that she is gone, I do buy a plant or flowering bush and plant it in my yard in her memory.
When my mom was alive, we would visit the local greenhouse every spring, and then spend the next warm and sunny afternoon planting our purchases together, in the backyard. In the past three years since my mom’s death, I have taken great comfort in tending the plants my mom and I planted together. When I am doing something that we used to do together, it somehow makes me feel like she is watching over me. More than likely she is wishing she could tell me, yet again, that I am planting things much too close together.
How to Cope With Mother’s Day Without a Mother
When you are already grieving over the loss of your mother, coping with the Mother’s Day holiday can intensify existing feelings of loss, sadness and anger.
Even after three years, the void left in my life by my mother’s passing still has the power to overwhelm me. However, I don’t dread Mother’s Day. Instead of avoiding Mother’s Day, I embrace the opportunity to buy my mom gift I think she would have liked and by planting a new flowering bush in my yard. Gone but not forgotten has a new meaning for me now. I spend Mother’s Day remembering her, and the unique way she had of looking at life.
Source:
Melinda Smith, M.A., Ellen Jaffe–Gill, M.A., and Jeanne Segal, PhD, “Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement”, HelpGuide.org, Last modified: November 2010, Accessed February 10, 2011.
Kelly Dupree - My love of animals, especially cats, and my interest in science has led to a serious passion to write well researched articles.
